What’s binge eating?
Streamed live on Mar 21, 2019
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MY0Z832At4I

Jeremiah can you please stop hey Jodi
hey Pam welcome
hello Brandie welcome welcome you guys
sorry I am running late it has been
nothing but pure chaos to get to this
point I am took Omar to his four-year
well checkup and his appointment was at
3:15
hey plus-sized mama and and it is up
okay so his appointments at 3:15 you
guys my died in total fine doctor came
in perfectly fine forty minutes i sat
after he left after the doctor walked
out waiting for the nurse to come in for
immunizations I had to wait and finally
I was like you know what I'm done like
I'm done I can't do this so I ended up
getting my purse and stuff and I'm
walking out because I'm just like I'm
not I'm not gonna stay here any longer
so the nurse was sitting there and I'm
like can I just come back and do his
shots another day like I don't have time
for this and he's like well they cost a
lot of money and I'm like my time is
costing a lot of money right now because
I've got something I need to be doing at
5:00 p.m. and I've been here since 3:10
I'm just like what is taking so long
like I understand you gotta draw the
shots and yeah I need to understand all
that but if you already knew that he's
coming in for immunizations why aren't
you guys already having that done while
the doctors in the room so by the time
you know by the time he's walking now
then you guys could be walking in to do
your part especially because he's only
four he's only gonna have so much
patience before he's like bouncing off
the walls and that's exactly what was
happening there at the very end he was
just like I'm done see all so
hey chef more to be live um so yeah I
was just I was racing home and I
promised him an ice cream before he left
so I was just like okay I have to stick
to my word I have to hey Seattle
sapphire welcome what's wrong honey
where's your blanket no it's on the
white table honey I'm pretty sure I put
it on the white table so you might hear
him whining I just gave him a little bit
of tylenol ibuprofen so you might hear
him crying a little bit but hey welcome
welcome welcome so yeah it just you know
huh it's been it's been a long day but
ya know that's how we roll in this house
so I got him his ice cream brought him
home gave him his tylenol ibuprofen
Ollie was splitting out of here I don't
know what he was doing but he couldn't
say two words to me as he was running
out the door so so I'm on my own again
with the kids I'm like you know I go
live on Thursdays I need extra help but
it's whatever whatever
so anyways how is everybody's week going
so far I guess I should check in with
you guys and see how things are going
I'm trying to get back to my daily
vlogging you guys it's been a little bit
tough like going from doing my morning
check-ins you know but I feel like
because I do morning check-ins that I
don't get to show you guys anything so
it's you know that kind of stinks a
little bit so anyways it is what it is
but I'm really hoping to get back into
everything you're doing okay Jodie is
everything okay I mean I know you say
you're doing okay but you don't know if
that sounds all too positive long well
ready for a hopefully relaxing weekend
yeah
I hear you there oh my phone's gonna die
held on I gotta get my charger Jer can
you bring me my phone charger please
I believe it's by my chair productive
day sunshine all as well hey you know
what it is gloomy and rainy here in fact
I got Jeremy marre singing on today's
vlog rain rain go away
so yeah I'm trying to get my phone in I
have a rap sheet just easier to say okay
I'm breathing it all is good Oh Jodie
well hopefully life gets a little bit
easier for you but I could totally
totally hold on you guys you're gonna
see my hand for a minute gonna I'm gonna
gonna play my phone in or it's gonna die
on me um yeah today's been one of those
kind of days for me too I mean I'm doing
okay but I woke up with much harder um
[Music]
hold on you guys chargers and me don't
work very well um anyways I woke up this
morning with a massive headache and that
just started my day off just not where I
was hey Judy welcome hey hey Jenny girl
and yes Ginny I got your message on
insta knew exactly who it was so yeah
you're you're good but anyways I had the
headache and it was just like one of
those headaches where you could take
anything and it just was not going away
yeah not very fun but it's all good it's
all good
I got home are taken to the doctors and
that was pretty much it I worked on more
of my keychains I seen you guys who are
saying that you liked him I I'm getting
all the messages but I can't reply back
to him all the time
because I like today I was driving when
I seen a couple coming in and all of
that but ya know anyways I'm just kind
of waiting to get a few a few more
people in and then we'll start with our
our chat chat session shots went well he
did he was a big trooper he cried a
little but it's alright he got it was
six total but four pokes which I was a
little thrown back on because I thought
that he was completely up to date but
when I went in today
the nurse was like whoa he's gonna get I
think he said like six shots or
something like that I'm like whoa I'm
like wait a minute what and so then they
were like well no no he knee needs and
they listed him down but then the nurse
was like whoa but we'll break them up
into sections you know so he doesn't
have to get them all today so it go okay
you know that's fine but then when the
other nurse came in to do the shots
well when the doctor came and I asked
him I'm like why is he getting so many
shots like I'm I'm not understanding and
he's like well this is where we do like
a big checkup lera like a big catch up
before school starts so I was like okay
so he end up getting six shots total but
four pokes so two on both legs my poor
baby
so I scream made it all better and
french fries he needed his french fries
and his his ice cream so that's what we
did but anyways I seen a lot of people
commenting on my key chains they are all
so they're so fun that's what one thing
I was asking I don't know if I asked it
on yesterday I know for folks I know I
think I asked on today's vlog for
tomorrow I think I I can't remember my
days are all going into each other but
um I was asking what do you guys think
about so on the doughnut ones see how it
I was like because I I did it solid on
the back but then there's this one that
I kept clear so it's clear on the back
which one should I do more of like these
kind with the solids or of the clear hey
and welcome I love you too but anyways
you think the clear so you know I did
that one cuz it looked like cake you
know on the backs but then I was like
well but this one's not a cake clearly
now I could do
hey Susie welcome um I could do like a
mid color I think where I would do it Oh
true um what what I could do is I could
do like okay so I could do the clear and
then I can do a little bit of color but
then when it gets to the part where the
the hole comes through then that's where
I would pour the clear so then by the
end it would be a clear tote on the
bottom so you would still see the hole
but you would still also have Coke
something I'm gonna play around with oh
you know I never I never thought about
that
mmm
maybe I will play with one of these and
see that would be actually a good idea
Oh McKenna thank you so much thank you
um but yeah I'm I'm just having so much
fun with all of them I don't think
there's anyone
I like the sprinkle makes them look more
like doughnuts yeah okay Jordan I will
have to try that like I never thought
about that before yeah you know what and
another thing I thought about was doing
sprinkles at first and then doing the
glitter on the top but I wouldn't have
to where did it go I wouldn't have to do
so me see how thank you is it potest
potest toast I want to say that right I
hope I am finally made a lot live whoa
um about what I could do is see how
there okay so see how there's quite a
bit of clear right there where the the
sprinkles are so what I could do is I
could put the sprinkles like on the top
then I can take
oops the color and fill it in just to
the little bit of where the clear would
be so just be sprinkles on top of like
whatever color and then I can take the
clear and it would be still the doughnut
ah I'm gonna play with drop this one's
one of my favorites though it looks 3d
it looks like you could just reach in
and grab it yes I've got my I got my
keychain bucket going I'm gonna sneeze
um hi Donna
welcome welcome from England Wow hey
Cassie welcome welcome Thank You Seattle
thank you I love them to show them the
dolphin I still want the cat keychain
okay so have I not showed all of these
where do you get your epoxy from so okay
I've been ordering it
on Amazon and it's just the illuminate
or illuminate amazing epoxy I think it's
called I don't have a box in front my
face but I changed it and did something
different this this last batch I went
and got hey Linda I went and got epoxy
from Lowe's which is a hardware store
here and oh my gosh I end up having to
strip a whole cup because it totally uh
it completely crapped me out like it
bubbles really but I was just bad
hey Creon uh welcome or kit is it carry
on uh I want to make sure I'm seeing
that right hey LaDonna and uh could you
could you possibly buy a like somehow um
what are you meaning Jordan um anyways
so a link um yes oh is it oh hey that's
awesome okay well then I will remember
it's a me um so yeah it was a really
nasty epoxy I took it back I got my
money back thank God I jumped on Amazon
and I bought my stuff that I'd been
working with that I have a really good
like I've had good things with because
yeah amy was not doing very well so let
me show them to you guys really quick
because somebody was saying that they
wanted to see them all so there's this
one this one show those ones just a
bright pink one with sparkles and then
my cake one of course or my cake
sprinkled one I got a yellow one with
sparkles
chunky glitter clearly you guys see yes
I and the thing is is I love lifelike
looking things I love it the back I did
like I don't I tried to mix other colors
to it there's another one that I did it
to to was this one I mixed a few colors
to it and then I made a dolphin
sorry guys I'm hoping this is clear it's
showing up clear and I made the flower I
made bows bows I made the cat and a
butterfly oops see what else another
butterfly this one looks so 3d like it's
scary it looks so 3d Tigger
another flower oh these ones were my
very first ones these ones I I would
never probably sell them because yeah
you know they got bubbles on the front
of them but it says it's backwards to
you guys but it says always and then
divine so those are the ones I've made
so far there's so much fun though I
honestly I love doing these just as much
as I love doing the cups if that's scary
or anything
and I told Ollie I was like you know I
really would love to get like oh it's
not backwards to you guys um I would
love to get like a little booth I like
the Saturday market or something to do
like my keychains and Plus also when
they're flat like this I can make them
into magnets so any of them like well
even these ones like like say the Tigger
one I could do it into a magnet as well
so thank you thank you and you guys I've
had this thing forever and I found it up
on top of my frigerator the other days
ago that's where I went I haven't made a
price for the keychains just yet because
I just started making them so I've just
been more or less having fun making them
I haven't like started selling them yet
but um I will definitely keep you guys
updated on that and I can also make them
like the colors that I do your cups like
if you were to do an order for a cup I
can do a keychain to match the colors of
the cup clearly probably not like the
pictures because like these I couldn't
put a picture like a full-on picture in
um but and then like I have all my key
chain maker things here you know I'm
getting I'm getting I'm getting
organized so anyways that's the fun of
that the Jeff but I would love to like
really honestly think about getting like
a booth or something I told all day I
was like I wonder what you know like
when I don't know if you guys have it
where you
live but on Mother's Day and Father's
Day a lot of times unlike the busier
sides of the streets they'll set up
booths of like roses and things that
they've made like with teddy bears and
stuff for gifts to make for like
Mother's Day Father's Day that type of
thing okay I knew Amara was gonna go
down because of his shots can you um get
me just get me some water you don't have
to put ice in it coz I don't want it to
wake them up you don't have to fill it
all the way either just a half way both
my kids are asleep the babies so anyways
um where was I going with this
Oh
so I was thinking really about possibly
looking into seeing if there's a way
that I can even set up a booth a couple
weekends a month to sell some of this
stuff on the side of the road I don't
know I don't know if that's I don't know
if it's legal I don't know if I can do
that I'd obviously have to probably ask
the city offense something that's yeah I
mean I don't see why not though like I
don't understand that it would be
anything bad it's the same thing as
everybody else except it's just
different type of good so but so anybody
that didn't see well and we have a
farmers market and that's another thing
as well we have Saturday market and
that's where they sell a lot of like
this typist
well yeah people don't make these but em
they sell like their home goods so
anyways if anybody hasn't seen this one
this is my famous my famous one
have you considered doing crafts shoes
oh craft shows I have not I haven't um I
think cuz I'm so used to this in England
we have loads of craft fairs everywhere
just pop up over the pond wow wow yeah
here no not so much but I'm so new to it
Jordan that I haven't but it's something
that I would definitely think about I
mean I would I've never looked into him
though
um but yeah so I have a cup that is why
I'm looking over there I have a cup
that's on the Turner with its first coat
of epoxy I'm making an x-files one or
somebody I have the first coat of epoxy
on getting ready to I do them with my
business Amy you do what with your
business
Chevy um yeah I have an order of an
x-files tumbler so I did the first coat
of epoxy and now I'm gonna do the
vinylene on it tonight and then I'll do
a final coat of epoxy and it doesn't and
that's the nice thing is this speed has
gotten so fast with me now that I can
pop out a cup quick and that makes it
nice like I have two two cups going
right now craft shows oh do you um Wow
maybe I need to talk to you about that
and see how you go about getting
involved in them um but yeah um well
okay so to start from a from a fresh cup
it takes about you paint
well the steps is are is you paint the
cup of solid color which I usually
typically do my color white and then you
let that dry so that takes about about
two hours and then I bought mine online
through at sea I bought my Turner
through there in fact I'm gonna I'm
getting ready to buy me another one so I
could have two Turner's going at the
same time so I let my the paint dry then
I do a coat of Mod Podge and I apply my
glitter I let that set for about 20
minutes I go outside and seal it with
Mod Podge Siller
spray paint or spray Siller then I let
that typically dry for about three to
four hours I come back and I apply my
first coat of
glitter and that turns for about five
hours to six hours depending well they
don't turn for that long they turn
anywhere from three to four hours on the
Turner and then I let them sit and I
usually let them sit overnight or at
least until I can touch the epoxy and
it's completely not not tacky at all
then I do my vinyl on it and then I
apply my second coat of epoxy to seal
everything in and then after that it
dries another 24 hours and then I could
take it off of the Turner and it sits
for 72 hours from there I wash it it
sets for another 24 hours and then it's
ready to go
so usually Suzy I know I'm so excited
for you to get that on your fingertips I
am so excited so typically a cup can
take about a week to make from start to
finish and that's just because I
personally like to make sure that
everything is dry and it's all stable
and I do the first wash so that way then
I make sure that everything is sealed
because if anything is not it's gonna
show me with that first wash so then I
know that I need to either strip it or
fix whatever is going on or if it's
sealed then it's perfectly fine so I
wash it with regular you know soapy
water and and if it I've never had one
have an issue and god I hope that I
never do but you know are you able to
put the put tiny seashells in the
keychains or magnets yes I can anything
anything I can put you know I've seen
them on Pinterest and they seem pretty
simple to make I mean they are pretty
simple they're more time consuming you
know if you have the patience for it you
know they're they're not they're not
extremely hard oh good night Susie snap
me and I will snap you back tonight
we'll see which face you get tonight but
I love you and thank you for stopping by
sweetie please make sure to give me a
thumbs up
um so anyways she's talking about a
Turner not your cup Pinterest comment
okay I'm confused I've got to get a
graphic to you and start my yes Andrea
yes please I will work on that as soon
as you get it for me
and honestly message me on Facebook if
you can rather than face a rather than
messaging me through the vinyl nut I
don't get notifications that you guys
are sending me messages and I never see
him it's been lovely talking to everyone
and catching you live Amy but it's a
quarter to one here morning here have a
oh no Donna thank you for stopping by
thank you so much I appreciate it
um Jordan Smith says the Turner's look
easy to make I thought you were thinking
she was talking about your cups oh yeah
I thought what I thought she was talking
about okay Jordan I'm sorry
misunderstanding um they probably pretty
are they I can talk they probably are
pretty easy to make but it's like
pulling teeth to get my husband to make
one so I just buy it I just stick with
the easy route for me which is I buy it
so anyways well you guys so tonight's
topic that I really wanted to talk about
is binge eating I think that it's
something that a lot of people struggle
with I think that it's something that I
don't want to see struggle with has been
being like diagnosed with it but I think
a lot of people struggle with binge
eating look oh my daughter did she took
my shamrock down and she put my heart up
I don't think somebody's done with
Valentine's Day anyways but in June of
2008 teen
Jody what are you doing into June of
2008 or May of 2018 sorry I was hello
welcome welcome I was diagnosed with a
binge eating disorder through my
therapist that and nutritionist and oh
it's so tiny I could hardly say I'm like
what was that that it is something that
I was diagnosed through multiple of his
medical people my doctor my therapist my
nutritionist they all agreed upon the
fact that I do have a bench eating
disorder and that's what started the
tables turning for me to start receiving
the help that I needed to overcome this
this disorder that I struggle with all
the way until today yeah yeah true true
and am i proud of it no but I'm so
thankful to have a diagnosis so it kind
of makes sense to me that what I'm
trying to what I'm trying to cure and
help myself with does have a name and it
does have a meaning and it gives me a
pathway to start being able to do the
research that I needed to receive the
help that I needed and what mine
dialogue back to was in my childhood and
we are just now figuring this all out
and why I have the binge eating disorder
that I have it stems from me as a child
growing up and I don't know about being
an infant what my circumstances were
obviously then because I can't remember
that far down but as little as four
years old I can remember many days not
Oh Thank You April thank you so much and
welcome to my
channel I hope I hope I hope that you
understand what is the difference
between binge eating and overeating you
know that's a good question Seattle
honestly that is a really good question
I think in my aspects and you know I'm
not a nutritionist I'm not here to try
and doctor anybody because that's not my
profession but what I have learned is
binge eating is a disorder overeating
it's a disorder I exactly I agree with
you mr. and mrs. I honestly agree with
you I think that's what I was trying to
say but my tongue had gotten twisted so
starting back with my my history of
where my binging came from was starting
at the age of four I remember many many
many days I would go without food and
sometimes I would go days where I had to
flip a couch over flip cushions over dig
under our couches you know to stim for
at least twenty-five to fifty cents to
go down to the market and get a frozen
barrier the burritos that they cook in
the little deli and I'll remember at
four years old driving my little bike at
four years old I to this day I sit back
and I wonder how and thank God
I never was kidnapped hit by a car her
because literally I was riding a bike in
my neighborhood by myself at four years
old
riding down to get my burrito and
sometimes that would be all I got for
the entire day there were days that you
know I had to eat breakfast like cereal
Cheerios with orange juice because my
mother didn't have milk and this is not
about bashing my
but you know things became more
important to her than what was needed
for my my well wellness of being you
know having the food and stuff properly
in my home
so anyways from that time forward and on
growing up I became once I became ward
of the state I was placed with a family
member that used food as a punishment so
there were multiple days that I would go
hungry because I wasn't behaved well or
you know welcomed Hazel's welcome
welcome I'm so happy to have you here um
I would go many days without food
because I was punished I'd go to bed
hungry I wouldn't be able to have
dessert because I would be told well
it's not like you needed anyways and
mind you I was only eight years old at
the time when those things were going on
so food and I became we had a love-hate
relationship and we're really figuring
this out now with my therapy is that I
use food to cope and this is what we
were talking about on Monday is that I
use food to cope food has been a coping
mechanism for me food has been my best
friend because food has never left me
but then I have a hate relationship with
food because the food has also gotten me
to where I am today so I hate food
because of that so my therapist asked me
she said well how how is it that you can
have a love relationship but also a hate
relationship and you know we really got
digging into the garbage with this and
just trying to figure it all out and
unraveling papers and unraveling stories
and you know and things that I could
come back into my brain and so for me
growing up I knew I had to eat as much
as I could because I didn't know if I
was gonna have another mill but also I
used food when I was hurt
or when I was scared or when I didn't
have the stability that I needed in life
I knew food would some be some way be my
stability so I literally have used food
in so many dynamics of my life that as
an adult now I have found myself where I
would eat to pass the full point past
even the comfortable point to the point
where you're gonna roll me off this you
know this table because I'm hurting so
bad because I would just eat and eat and
eat
I would eat because I was not even
hungry but I would eat I you know if we
were out in the car the car and food had
a connection because you know Ollie and
I would be out and I'd be like oh I need
to get a hamburger and would hold on
sorry so much of my food issues stem
from childhood they do they do so I will
be in the car and I'll be like oh I need
to get a hamburger and all they were
like okay he kind of look at me kind of
weird like you just had breakfast and
it's like only 10:30 and I'd have to
make sure that he stopped and got me
that hamburger even though I wasn't even
hungry but it was the thought I'm out I
need to get food because I don't know if
I'm gonna be able to get that food later
and so now the question is is what is
binge eating
what is binge eating to to you binge
eating to me is when I eat in secret
when I consider and eat six snicker
candy bars at one sitting to the point
where I feel like I'm going to throw up
and I will sit there and eat every bit
of it
and then a binge could be I could order
a whole pizza just for myself not
talking about getting get the kids food
I will get the kids food but I'll make
sure to order my Jessica what do you
mean you eat and secret all of the time
though how do I eat in secret just
curious
now see I never was a person to eat at
night once I went to bed I would be in
bed I would be asleep but there was a
time in my life where I would wake up
and I would sneak and I would eat
because that was the time that I could
eat enjoy as a child and make sure that
I got food because it was taken away
from me at certain times as an adult now
I have a tendency because Ollie and I
have made it a very bad habit that
Wow Wow
see I Ollie and I started a really bad
habit where we would eat our where we
eat at once we put the kids to bed we
always have a snack and it's usually
always something sweet and always like
never fails all ways we eat at night
after the kids go to bed well then all
he broke that he was like I don't need
that but now he'll drink a soda every
single night but I don't drink soda
I have not drink soda since July that
was one of the things that I 100 percent
gave up and you guys I have been
struggling it so bad
I'm being honest I have struggled so bad
this last week and a half I have wanted
soda so bad like I have been just it's
been on the tip of my tongue to go to
the 7 like the 7/11 market and I want a
soda
I just want to guzzle a soda down I have
not had a soda since July and that used
to be my water and now I haven't had it
at all oh my god I wanted out ah but
that would be the one thing that I I
100% took away from myself with soda
um but he'll drink soda at nighttime and
I'm just sitting there like ha ha ha
where's my snack bowls of cereal at
midnight alone in my is my issue uh I
would do that I I would if I had cereal
I would yes my husband will eat at night
- such a bad influence
it is it is after all the time it will
taste crappy
after all this time it will taste crappy
you know Annie I told ollie I told him I
said you know I I don't know if I had
even like the taste of it now to be
honest
Kelsie his soda is only 200 calories
though huh I live with someone that
loves to eat
I have foods that trigger me so bad and
they are always in the house yeah
it doesn't help that my husband does
sleepwalk eating he will wake up out of
his sleep and go and go get food and eat
while he's falling asleep in the next
morning he don't remember doing that oh
my gosh hazel Wow
I joked and said that I thought I did
that one time you're complaining about
him drinking so does at night a can of
soda is only 200 calories so it's not
really indulgent snack no no no no I'm
not complaining that he's drinking it no
no you misunderstood me he drinks soda
at nighttime that is his thing that he
switched from he switched from having a
suite at night to a soda at night
whereas I don't drink soda so he took
away the sweets for himself so if I want
to do as he does I don't get a soda so
then I'm thinking well where's my treat
you know but it was definitely addicted
I was a definitely addicted to soda but
quit drinking it over two years ago once
in a blue moon I'll take a sip of my
husband's but it tastes good now then I
get mad because I wake up the next
morning he left the milk out and he
claims he didn't do it there's a glass
of milk on his neck and you can have a
small hot chocolate good idea I've
gained over 30 pounds in the last year
from sleep apnea whoa Alysha but your
treat would have to be 200 calories to
be equal to his 200 calorie can of soda
do you have a treat then I am I am a
Pepsi holic but I at least changed to
Pepsi zero so my husband is a stage four
he's a stage four oh my god oh I am so
sorry Alicia I am so sorry so do I have
a snack yes I do I usually always do I
find something for myself to snack on I
do enjoy having raw veggies at night
with a little bit of ranch and I usually
like water
with that so it doesn't really make me
feel like I'm not enjoying it or
sometimes I will have him go and stop
and get you know cannoli or something if
I'm really like wanting a sweet I don't
deprive myself of sweets I don't but
I've been trying to limit myself a
little bit because I think that you know
somewhat I'm getting a little bit more
comfortable with having more of the
sweets and I need to stop so I've been
really working hard on not continuing to
allow myself too much comfort because I
am very easy at getting very comfortable
and yeah I just rip right back up
between all this between all this with
him and issues with my oldest daughter
becoming addicted to me Oh
and we now have just two and stress oh
my god Alicia I am so sorry
I couldn't imagine I am so sorry so
sorry it is hard to tell if I overeat or
am i vin Jeter if I am having a bad day
I can take down a whole jar of peanut
butter if it is in the house or four or
five slices of bread prayers for you and
your husband but having sweets every now
and then isn't binging yeah I don't
think you have to yeah no Annie totally
a hundred percent I agree with you and I
wouldn't want a high calorie snack like
that especially right before bed because
that's clearly not gonna get me anywhere
that I where I want to get so no I
completely agree with you 100% Seattle I
think you know I'm not somebody that can
knit
hey mama welcome
um I think that you know I'm not
somebody that can diagnose anybody I
mean that's just not it but hey Lisa
Heller how are you welcome um I think
that I don't know I don't know how I
would say because again I'm not somebody
that I like having keto cookies
thank you ladies although I am grateful
for my blessings life just sucks
sometimes it does Alicia but in your
hands I couldn't even imagine and my
heart goes out to you so yeah back to
what I'm trying to say to Seattle I am
NOT somebody that can diagnose but the
difference that I believe between
overeating and binge eating is exactly
what was said earlier which is I think
binge eating is something that is very
hard to stop once it starts you're just
on a real win because you check out at
least I do I check out when I'm in a
binge I check out so I'm not even
actually like completely coherent if
that makes any sense because it's like I
checked my mind out of the situation so
it's almost just like I'm an autopilot
where I'm just shoving and the thing is
that you don't sit and savor the the
taste of it you don't taste you don't
feel the texture of it you don't smell
it
it's literally like like it's autopilot
you're just your hands going down up
down up down and that's all it's doing
and I can literally I'm not kidding you
I could down six seven and that's
disgusting
snicker bars Reese's Pete oh my god
Reese's Pieces I could I could eat I
ain't gonna go there let's just say I
would do a dental with Reese's Pieces
because those are my favorite anything
chocolate peanut butter that is a binge
to me eating like overeating I think is
overeating
I think with overeating you still are
coherent I think you're aware of what's
going on you're just overeating because
you're just choosing to overeat but
you're not literally emotionally checked
out
whereas with me I'm completely checked
out
hey who dig' welcome welcome welcome
thank you for joining in if you haven't
already please give me a thumbs up I
would so appreciate it but yeah I I mean
I emotionally and like literally can
check myself out to where I am with a
binge eating you feel like you are
watching yourself exactly Clare that is
true that is true and then once you
actually are done you can sit there and
look at the damage that you've done and
be like what what just happened and
you'll feel the the defeats of it you'll
feel it but you don't even know what
happened and that's what's happened with
me now I can honestly say that I have
not had a binge eating episode oh yeah
and then you totally hate yourself you I
binge and purge nobody knows Oh Bella I
am so sorry I am so sorry that is that
that's two disorders that are struggling
and they go hand in hand and it's I am
so sorry
I couldn't imagine again I've tried that
I've tried to make it all come back up
and I can't I for some reason cannot get
myself to have throw-up I've tried
that's been way back in the past and I
don't know how for what reasons but I
would gag myself and try and nope I
could never gain it art gained it I
could never get it back up so I
literally would sit with this huge
amount of food in my stomach and just
want to just crawl on her table and die
because I felt so bad and you're the
abuse comes on so then you start abusing
yourself about how Stu
but you are what were you thinking why
did you do this it's you know you're
sitting yourself back I used to be
anorexic bulimic binge compulsive eater
oh my god mama whoa
see eating disorders go way beyond just
binge eating there's so many disorders
that come along with food and you know
somebody have made a comment once recent
recently that binge eating are not binge
eating but food addicts okay which I
think food addicts are are the ones that
have a disorder I think food addicts
someone was saying well you can't
compare food addicts to alcoholics you
can but you can't hey Siobhan is shavon
shavon shavon see tell me if I'm saying
it right life is too short that you got
to believe that tomorrow can always be a
better day oh I'm so happy that I said
that right yes Jamie I agree with you
and you know I think that it can you
know I think I think you can compare the
two in their own ways but I think that
both of them can be comparable to a
point
they're both addictions they're both
something now yes you don't have to live
with alcohol to survive but food you do
but it's still exactly Lisa you just got
it right there and addict is an addict
it doesn't matter what addiction it is
that you are facing they all go together
which is they're all under the one
umbrella which is addiction and it's so
hard because you have to learn such a
new way of life and a new philosophy
with food now since I've been in therapy
for almost God we're almost going on two
years going hand in hand with these
addictions
I've learned that food is for feel not
fur hold on no and now it just slipped
my brain food is for feel not for fun
and I had to teach myself that and now
I've gotten to the point now where I can
ask myself ok are you really hungry Amy
or are you just bored and I ask myself
these things I ask myself these things
on a daily I still today do that are you
hungry are you really wanting it are you
just bored are you thinking about it
does it does it sound good you know and
if I can answer yes to some of those
then maybe I do want it there was a date
last week I want to talk about oh my god
I want to talk about and I normally
normally I would go and get Taco Bell
but I would go get talkable and I'd get
six to seven items off of the Taco Bell
order now if I want Taco Bell I can go
and get talkable and get just two items
off the Taco Bell menu which now I've
been stuck on dollar burritos the cheesy
bean ones or what I don't even know what
they are and I get in a water and I'm
happy I'm a happy camper but it's
because I gave myself the right I gave
myself the permission to have those
things so I don't have to binge on it
later and shove as much down as I can
because I have the fear that oh my god
what if I'm not going to get this again
and even though I'm an adult
I make my own money I have my car I can
go down and get talk about any day of
the night any time of the day
twenty-four seven hours a day seven days
a week I could go get talked about
but mentally it's okay mama it's a
something in the back of my brain that
is telling me it's okay you got
permission it's okay if you want Taco
Bell go for it
you can have it and I I enjoy Taco Bell
but now I enjoy it because I can enjoy
it honestly and not feel like I am
secretly enjoying it and those are the
things that I'm learning with my eating
disorder that I struggle with is being
able to give myself permission to say
hey I want X Y & Z and it's okay to have
X Y & Z and I can have just as much as I
want and leave it at that
and not have to worry about another
thing but it's taken a long time and I
still have my moments where I still want
to eat and I want to eat in secret
because it makes me feel good why does
it make me feel good what where is it
where is it touching in that it's making
me feel good but sometimes I want to eat
in private because what's Taco Bell oh
Claire I'm sorry Taco Bell is like they
sell like burritos and tacos
it's like Mexican food I guess you would
say American Mexican food hey hey
welcome latina how are you what welcome
ok I've missed some of your guys's
comments so let me go back up a little
bit
ladonna true I gave up smoking six years
ago was so hard but now I am so glad it
stopped I stopped it's a waste of money
and it just hurts the body you're right
Erika sometimes I wish I was addicted to
something else like anything else
Erika I've been there I know what you're
saying
I do mama says Amen Sondra me to recover
gastric bypass and patient
hospitalization intense counseling
Sondra god bless you a hillyne chef says
thanks now I won't talk about Powerball
no rice no beans extra Chicken then
what's in the Powerball if I can ask
Jody my husband is an alcoholic
recovering alcoholic three years this
June he always ask himself
halt am i hungry angry lonely or tired
yes I've learned the halt yes I learned
that saying right there
my therapist taught me that two weeks
ago we learned what halt was that was a
that's a good one
hold on baby girl just woke up okay let
me see my hands gonna be here for a
minute so me I feel so me I feel like if
I don't eat all my food on my plate I'm
being wasteful and I end up stuffing
myself to misery I just can't make a
small plate for someone or some reason
completely I hear you how are you
beautiful
I'm doing good sweetie I am doing good
thank you for asking how are you Jamie
have a small order of Taco Bell on
Fridays as a small reward for your
success in willpower that's a good idea
Jamie yes I know talk about we have them
but have never wanted to go there oh you
will you should try how's the kiddos
kids are good
um s4 just woke up from a little nap
Omar has crashed he went wee I took him
to the doctors day and he got four shots
in his legs so he wasn't not a happy
camper Jeremiah just started his spring
break today so he's in his room playing
fortnight with his friend and all he is
I have no idea he's somewhere in Salem
I'm floating around happy spring-- yes
to you too let's see lettuce chicken
cheese avocado to go okay Gallo galo
gallo
how do you say that back now hey mama
Lisa Shona for me I would use a salad
plate instead of a regular dinner plate
it would trick my mind into thinking I
had a big plate of food that is
basically how I lost Amy says I think
eating and secret sometimes makes me
feel like I am getting away with
something that is satisfying I'm getting
ready for my
with my hubby oh wow girl can you come
and get me and take me to I'll be your
hubby I stopped all fast-food
restaurants I feel so much better
April it's a good idea and I think
there's gonna be a point where I'm gonna
have to Mel prep you know and I I've
been wanting to do that I just yeah I
need to get back into the walking - I I
do I am so bad at the walking pronounced
like okay let me go back up and see what
I was trying to say short brain here
honey
you want water
sorry you guys stop trying to catch up
to my um but yeah I definitely need to
start walking I need to and with the
weather gonna be should be switching huh
not today we went and got the kids their
sandals so that we can start doing more
family night walks and things like that
so that will be nice um but no I just
think you know I think you hit it right
on the nail when you said eating in
secret sometimes makes you feel like
you're getting away with something and I
honestly think that that's where my my
therapist taught me there is rebel Amy
there's little girl Amy and then there's
me Amy and the rebel Amy sometimes comes
out and wants so many bad things to go
on and then it wants to destruct as much
as can be and the little girl Amy
sometimes needs the compassion and needs
the the love that I needed all along and
so I think that that's where I'm
starting to learn to ask myself which
one am i right now is a me wanting
whatever it is
because girl ATS in South Beach come on
now I'm on my way you know but then
there's the the precious little Amy that
was starved many days and didn't have
that and has the worse relationship with
food ever and then there's you know the
rebel a me that wants that's the one
that wants to binge and eat out of sea
air in secret because I want to feel
like I'm getting away with something and
oh thank you latina thank you I
appreciate that and so I think that
that's kind of where you know that's
that's where I'm learning and I think
that's why I wanted to bring it to your
guys's you know thing and do tonight's
live is just about the the binging
because like I said I think more people
suffer then then they even know and a
lot of people feel alone they feel like
they're the only ones that eat at night
they're the only ones that feel like
they want to eat past their comfort they
are the only ones that suffer from
desiring you know six items off the Taco
Bell menu because a fear of not knowing
if they're gonna get it again though I
always felt alone I always thought that
I was oh thank you latina I'm so happy
you feel that I'm strong and unique and
I wish I was stronger than I am but
thank you so much sweetie um I think
that I always felt so alone I felt odd I
felt like the oddball I felt like I was
the only one that suffered these things
and once I really started talking to my
therapist and really getting to know
more and reading more can't edit that
out sorry
[Laughter]
but you know being able to really
embrace knowing that I'm not alone and
that what I'm learning I can possibly
share to others so that they don't think
that they're alone that's the thing is I
don't want people to go to bed at night
thinking they're alone or that they're
doing this alone because I just I think
that it's all about finding others that
you can support each other to make it
through this because this is a sickness
this is a disease it is something that
you are affected with on a daily life
living breathing day you are gonna
struggle with this and I think that this
is something I'm gonna struggle for the
rest of my life just like any attic any
attic will tell you that it's something
they will have to struggle with for the
rest of their life you will never wake
up one day and be 100 percent cure and
never have an issue and never want to
binge and never want to eat in secret
and now I don't I don't believe that I
think that's part of our identity and I
believe that it's something that really
honestly makes us who we are but also
gives us such a story to share with
others that you guys will be able to
share with others to know that hey
they've been there and so have I so we
can all do this together
exactly latina I think we all will do it
I I'm first to say that I haven't
benched for a while but do I still have
the desire to eat him in secret
sometimes yeah yeah I do because it's
part of I think the the making of Who I
am I think that that's what it is let me
scroll up just a little bit cuz I missed
a few I love joining my husband for dog
walks but can only do on very good days
oh ouch Claire I am so sorry mama says
he used to go to Arby's before order for
large meals with four large drinks to
feed the family of
I totally understand yep do any of you
who suffer with binge eating disorder
also suffer with a mental disorder like
bipolar has anyone seen me I don't see
my comments sandy I'm seeing um is
anyone seeing me I don't see my comments
yes sandy life one pound at a time I'm
seeing you I never thought about the
eating in secret I used to do that on a
regular I see the sandy I was the family
okay so momma I totally get it I totally
get it
I've been there I've done that I said
the same thing oh my gosh let me let me
get what as a you know you're getting
ready to grab the bags for like oh my
gosh I need to make sure that I put
these here and I'll make sure to make it
sound as though I'm taking it to a whole
family and it's really going all to me
but I've done that yes I get it
and we do all fall we all do fall I have
never been personally diagnosed with
Bipolar but I have been diagnosed with
depression and anxiety and I know that
that causes a lot of my eating issues is
when I'm very hyped up when I have
deadlines to get things done
and things it it does strike it and it
makes me want to eat so definitely I
would agree with that yeah major
depression anxiety mo meds for both of
those we need to stay encouraged by each
each we need to stay encouraged by each
day you're exactly right I agree and
that's why I have this this channel you
guys because I want everybody to know
that you're not alone we all are here to
surround around each other and give up a
hand to each other you know and that's
why I love my channel because there's so
many of us here there's so many of us
here that struggle with the same things
latina I completely get it like you know
chef I understand
exactly what you're saying because
honestly it is and you're not alone
there's so many of us out there but I
think unfortunately some of us are too
they're too scared to say hey that's me
that's my identity that's who I am
so definitely definitely um before I
forget I'm going to be doing Amy I'm so
happy you found my channel and Lisa I'm
so happy to have you here I am so
thankful yeah fear plays a big part of
it I will be the first to say it before
I forget our next live which will be
next Thursday I'm going to be doing a
giveaway so it's gonna be a surprise
giveaway meaning you will not know what
it is that's going to be given I have a
shirt that I have a shirt that is due to
be shipped off to Quito mama I have not
gotten her shirt shipped off to her
completely forgot about it
and yes I need to make sure that I get
her shirt to her but also I have the
live next week that I'm gonna do a
surprise one on oh yes and I have been
diagnosed with PTSD - yep that goes in
my books but yes oh I love quito mama
she's the best I love her love her but
yeah I definitely am gonna be doing a
giveaway this coming Thursday so if you
want to be joined in to the giveaway
make sure to drop your name in my
message or here somewhere wherever just
put your name and say I want to be put
in the Thursday live chat giveaway and
yes Oh Lindsey thank you so much I
appreciate it
I so appreciate it thank you thank you
and I'm so happy that you're here I love
growing my channel I love everybody
being here
makes me so happy let me grow up a
little bit I missed a few somebody said
that they had PTSD I do as well PTSD
generalized anxiety disorder bipolar
issues I have OCD and depression a true
hot mess Express oh but we all love you
I can't watch my being someone eats
french fries I want french fries oh my
god oh we we won't even go there with
about things okay our MOOC bongs are I
don't know how they're said this is a
good topic I feel embarrassed talking
about my eating issues my spouse does
not understand and think I lack my
self-control it's very hard for people
to understand if they've never walked
the shoes of a somebody that has an
eating disorder
they will never 100% understand they
won't and I'm sorry but I view sometimes
like in the past when all he has tried
to hold me accountable to lay your head
on Mama's Lake I'm almost getting ready
to get off okay
[Music]
but anyways what was I saying oh with
Olli in the past when he would try to
hold me accountable to my diets I would
see him as like like he was almost an
enemy and I would attack like literally
get so rude with him mean and oh good
night latina thank you for coming by um
I will see you well I'm gonna I'll have
my regular vlog up tomorrow it's gonna
be kind of a shorty one but y'all like
those ones don't you
oh yeah Lisa I get it oh yeah he's
finally always like you too sweetie
thank you for coming bye love you
um but yeah it's you know and so finally
he kind of just backed off and
he's become a friend to me over it
rather than me looking at him as like a
negative person and I think what it
comes down to is yes Jody that's exactly
yet he had to learn that I work against
that that's when rebel Amy comes out so
I think I have a few new subscribers
from this chat tonight and I just wanted
to thank you in case I can't thank you
in the video oh you're welcome
yes you guys chef has a channel so does
Seattle sapphire I'm gonna get a list of
all of the subbies that I have that are
on my channel and that way I can start
doing shoutouts to you guys so that way
then we can start helping build up the
yes for sure Chevy I will I want to help
build up everybody's channels so for
sure for sure for sure I will mark
everybody's down because there's quite a
few that I need to remember not remember
but put on the list but for sure Seattle
Sapphire has a channel chef wannabe has
a channel so if you haven't already
subscribed if you haven't already
subscribed jump to their channels and
take a look you guys will really really
like them
Salaam alaikum Linda welcome yes Linda
feels I ain't gonna try it Linda who
didn't she has a channel as well LaDonna
you're so welcome and thank you so much
yes Linda you do um so yes I am going to
close here my babies are not filling too
hot so I think they're gonna start
getting cranky cranky but I just wanted
to jump on and talk about our binging
and if you guys have other ideas of
different topics to talk about
on the lives I go live pretty much every
Thursday unless something has happened
good night hyouta I thank you for
stopping by
[Music]
Lisa thank you for stopping by good
night
yeah I've got my little boy that just
got four shots today in the living room
crying so I met a sciutto doodle but I
will catch you guys again on Thursday I
will be letting everybody know what the
topic is about it's all right Linda and
I will definitely make sure that I get
everybody put in for the the life but
what I'm gonna do is have you guys not
put don't put your names in here put
them in the message once I close the
video that way then I can have them on
because otherwise I won't have them when
they they won't show up unless I watched
in life so anyways you guys I love you
too thank you guys so much again I am so
happy to have everybody here if you
haven't given me a thumbs up please do
so and I can't wait to see you guys
again next there